THE POLITICS OF STATUES

28th August 2009.

Hi Friends,

The Government of Maharashtra has once again been caught napping. The petite mademoiselle Mayavati has cleverly stolen a march over them by having not just a statue or two, but a whole statue park. The Government of Maharashtra will therefore have to move quickly to complete the Shivaji-statue-in-the-Arabian-Sea project.

According to estimates, the project - to be constructed about a kilometer from the shore - is likely to cost Rs. 350 crores. According to the DNA of Aug 26, this will include the cost of reclaiming 800 acres from the seabed, having a 10,000 sq.ft. revolving restaurant, a 300 seat auditorium, art galleries, food courts and green areas (whatever that means), a helipad, etc. In short, the works. The statue itself will be of 159 ft. – a clear 4 feet taller than the Statue of Liberty - on a pedestal 150 ft high. Looking at the pace at which the Government of Maharashtra complete their projects, notably the Bandra-Worli sealink, this project could take anything over seven years with a final tag of about Rs. 1,500 crores.

But so what, I say.

There are many critics of this project. Pranoy Roy spoke about this on NDTV 24 X 7 channel with such a somber face that I thought some minister or the other had copped it. But no such luck; he was only heralding in this news with a reminder to us simpletons that “Maharashtra is officially reeling under a drought, and several farmers have committed suicide”.

In my opinion, critics like Pranoy Roy are singularly ill-informed and are complete kill-joys. Party poopers, if you like. So what if there is a 40% drop in the farm yield and a consequent loss of Rs. 4500 crores to the state? So what if farmers are committing suicide in droves in Vidharbha due to drought-caused indebtedness? So what if a single bore well which could provide them with water costs just Rs. 15,000/-? Don’t these rural fellows know that statues are more important than water, and that PRIDE a lot more valuable than LIFE? Mademoiselle Mayavati knows it well, as did Kim Il Sung of North Korea. If the Vidharbha farmers are in such dire straits, it is due to their karma alone. I mean, if their past lives had been more virtuous, they would have been Ministers in Mr. Vilasrao Deshmukh’s and Mr. Ashok Chavan’s cabinet!

And talking about pride, let me tell you what Pride can do. Earlier I used to amble with a stoop when going past V.T and the Prince of Wales museum. Now, after these heritage buildings have been re-named, I have a positive bounce in my step. My shoulders are flung back. My chest swells with Pride and I do not walk - I march to the tune of the Colonel Boogey Band. Now, JUST IMAGINE! If this is what a simple re-naming could do, what would the effect of THE statue, 4 feet higher than the Statue of Liberty, have on us . . .

These professional critics have failed to appreciate the tremendous economic boost that this 159 ft. statue, 4 feet taller than the Statue of Liberty, will usher in. Apart from the revenues generated by the estimated 10,000 visitors daily, the critics have failed to realize the other ancillary benefits.

· This will generate huge employment opportunities. The Vidharbha farmers can straightaway be employed on site for reclaiming the 800 acres from the sea and completing the majestic monument there-on. Almost like the Tower of Babel, I’d say, except that this one will never falter. The spin-off? No farmer will touch a drop of poison to commit suicide!
· This will have a tremendous demonstration effect. Other states will vie with each other in erecting statues of their heroes everywhere - in the sea, in the rivers and in the lakes. Sant Thiruvalluvar in Tamil Nadu, Kandukoori Veeresalingam in Andhra Pradesh, Vayalar Ravi Varma in Kerala, and so on . . .
· This will inspire other countries also to erect similar statues in the sea. Pakistan will undoubtedly erect the statue of Mohammad Ali Jinnah (hand in hand with Mr. Jaswant Singh, if the present camaraderie continues), Australia of Sir Donald Bradman, the US of George Bush in a cowboy hat, six-guns blazing away at Saddam and the rest of the world. The only problem is countries like West Indies that have far too many icons. I can only think of a Frank Worell, but they would surely like to honour Charlie Griffith, Gary Sobers and Viv Richards too. The problem: do they have enough sea in which to put up these statues?
· The passion for statues will create an enormous demand abroad for Indian sculptors, who will be a very important source of our foreign exchange reserves.
· Mr Kapil Sibal will be forced to introduce “Sculpture” as a compulsory subject at the school level.

Now, I am of the view, and mind you this is a strictly personal view, that other leaders in our state have got a raw deal. To correct this imbalance I suggest that a statue be erected off the Dadar Chowpatty of Dr. Bhim Rao Ambedkar. Not that Mademoiselle Mayavati has not done enough; I just feel that the Maharashtra cabinet should pitch in too. I also feel that Mr. Prabodhankar Thakaray deserves a full statue befitting his status, not just a pot-holed poorly-constructed flyover bearing his name. So do Savarkar and Yeshwantrao Chavan . . .

What about Field Marshal Manekshaw and ‘Timmy’ Thimayya? Hey, hang on. Come again, please? Never heard of these chaps!!

And if some ignoramus were to ask, What of national leaders like Gandhi, Nehru, Patel, I would somberly say like Pranoy Roy, Let the central government be. After all somebody has to do the mundane work of running the government - the Railways, the Finance Ministry, the Ministry of Defence, etc.

If at all the national leaders have to be remembered I suggest we request Mr. Jaswant Singh to write their biographies and fill them with some really sensational stuff. Stuff so un-put-down-able that Mr. Jaswant Singh’s Kandahar jaunt with the 3 terrorists would look like a stroll on Marine Drive. And some truly “human interest story” on our first PM could make the Kennedy-Monroe tryst look like a Sunday school picnic for 5-year olds. Mr. Narendra Modi would immediately ban the biographies, which will then sell like freshly baked dhoklas, and Mr. Jaswant Singh would be doubling up with laughter all the way to the bank.

To go back to the starting point, maybe we can then ask Mr. Singh to spare a thought and a few lakhs for the poor Vidharbha farmer. Don’t forget, the Government of Maharashtra is bankrupt, but will soon have plenty of magnificent statues.

Cheers!

Deepak Tralshawala